Tres Triste Tigres Tiemblan en la Tempestad

April 18, 2012

Tres Triste Tigres Tiemblan en la Tempestad
(Three Sad Tigers Tremble in the Storm)


Today I had my first meltdown. It has been two weeks and all the little things are adding up and I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’ve been feeling like staying in my room and sleep all day long. I put pressure on myself to explore Santander and meet up with friends because I don’t want an opportunity to pass me by or feel like I’ve missed out on an opportunity. Even when I’m at home I feel exhausted having to be “on” all the time. When I leave my room I make small talk with my host family and have to think hard about what I want to say in Spanish. I’m a guest in their home so I have to be polite, interact with them, tell them where I’m going, when I’ll be back, and make sure to say please and thank you.

Several times today I’ve just wanted to scream in frustration! Talking and listening in Spanish is overwhelming, school is getting harder, some of my classmates are wearing on me, I miss my friends and family back home, all I want to do is eat, I don’t feel as confident as normal, I’m tired and stressed about being stressed. I think it's time for an intervention when I eat two servings of dessert at lunch, buy sour gummies for an afternoon snack, go through an entire bag of chocolate and still want more. I think I’ll regret that tomorrow.

In the real world, this would be called stress but since I’m in a foreign country I get to call it culture shock. I know it will pass in a few days, or weeks, but I have to be patient with myself and acknowledge the feelings I’m having. There’s a part of me that’s like “those are stupid things to worry about and just get over it, you’re in Spain!” but after talking to my mom on skype, she reminded me that it’s part of the process. I’ve been thrown out of my comfort zone where everything about the situation is new. I’m speaking a foreign language, meeting new people, navigating a new city, trying new foods, so it’s only natural to feel overwhelmed. Talking with her made me feel better.

After talking to my mom, I met with some friends to work on some homework and felt even better. In talking about it with friends I felt like I was at an AA meeting because we’ve all gone through the same experience but are all at a different stage in the process. A couple of them were impressed it took so long for my culture shock to sink in because they had meltdowns within the first couple days of being here.

Well… ¡Viva España!